Some days ago we were sitting in a bar, when an old man came up to us. Hi ya folks, he said. Hi ya old man, I said, what'd ya want?
want no nothing, but I tell ya'll a story.
Sure ol' man, we said, give us y'story.
I come from the Ol West, i am a gunner.
Scuse me?
I robbed a bank when I was young and neve' been not caught I have, he says.
you robb' a bank, mate?
yes sir, I did, sir.
how did ya do that?
well boyz, about 250 years ago I had no money at all. I was broke. the only thing I had was me gun and a golden tooth. one day I has having a bath in this big big river. what y'think? a red came and stole me clothes. fuck that, I thought. I was all butt naked and nowhere to go. I couldn't do no much thing, so I get out and got me gun, which I had hidden. s'all ya think? I ran in to that little bastar' and shot him. not dead he was, but now there was a hole in me pants.
Sorry, 250 years?
I think all the indians heard me, 'cause no 10 secs later, 1000 indians came after me. I ran and I ran...
Run Forest, run.
they're throwing spears at me and they hit me too. one in me left, one in me right arm, one in me right leg and one in me left.
Ouch.
can say that again...
Ouch.
but I am a man, I kept running.
What, with 4 spears in your body?
yes, no probs for me, pal. I crossed the desert of about 1500 miles and were found for dead there.
Were you walking circles?
But I ain't dead, with my gun...
And 4 spears.
and four spears in my body, I got better and better. together with the man who helped me, we thought of a plan to rob the bank. now, I cannot say that was an easy job, but we was smart.
How old did you say you were?
we planned everything over and over again and again again. we visited the bank a dozen times and then we was ready to go. we was gonna be famous we was, sir. famous and rich.
Well, notorious and hunted, I'd say.
our plan was as follows: one of us would rob the bank, keep all the people inside hostage and hide the money in the toilet under the floor.
we decided that Billy Bob...
Who?
Billy Bob, that's his name, would go
Billy Bob?
in and do the job. I would wait outside (a bit further than the crowd) and wait and wait. After half an hour, there were some shots coming from the bank.
Billy Bob??
he did that on purpose, so that everybody would come. not only the sheriff, but the whole town. ya know, mate we needed them people. the law already knew what was going on, but we wanted people surrounding the bank. and they came, hoo, did they come. everybody and I mean everybody was at the bank. yelling, crying, blabla, the whole lot.
Lot? for the lottery?
hey? to see us, the bank robbers.
but there was only one robber.
of course, but they didn't know that. the sheriff shouted that the robber had to come outside. he didn't. 'Come outside, or we'll hang ya, you fxxxface.'
You what?
You fxxxface!
What's that, your flat face?
No, you moron, you fuckface!
You calling me a fuckface?
That was what the sheriff says to the robbers.
One man, the robbers.
the robber did not come of course.
no of course.
I mean boy, we had the plan and that was the plan, man.
right then.
the sheriff called again: come out with ya hands high in the air and the gun on the floor. we will not hang you immediately. but no sign of me mate.
no?
no.
o.
we had a plan and...
this was the plan, man yehyeh.
people were yelling and laughing too. there were some shots again, from both inside and outside the bank. half a day we waited and then, my friends
hey waiter, give 'm a beer and us too, ya filthy animal that sells poison.
well thank ya cheers ol boyz. then I came forward to the sheriff and said that I may get him out. y'all try, I can't get him outta there. and so I went in the bank. hey, do not shoot, I am unarmed and unbathed, I just wanna talk to ya. come in, he says.
And so I went inside. making sure nobody saw me face, cause I had to laugh. This was all part of the plan.
man.
When I was insides, we talked and we talked. Did I mention my friend covered his face with a handkerchief?
not that I can recall.
My friend had covered his face with a
handkerchief, yes.
So I already told that?
Just then.
O, we talked and went through our plans again. Then I shouted out to the sheriff: hey sheriff, he wants to release some hostages! Bring on out, he yelled.
you don't have to yell too, you moron, I am right next t ya.
We released one, then another one and then my friend, then we had it coming.
you shot your way out.
no! my friend undid the cover and walk outside. Looking shit scared and half runnen to the crowd. Everybody thought he was a victim!
that was a smart move, oldtimer.
I le' go of some others and then came out meself, saying that the robbers
the one robbers.
need more time and that he probably would give up. While everybody waited to see what would would happen, we took a nap and ate our belly full. Next day when the sheriff raided the bank, there were no none robbers. They cursed and yelled and look everywhere for the money, but couldn't find nowhere.
it was still in the bank. he looked for his horse, but he sat on it. fucking ingenious.
Yes we were. after a week we went to the toilet in the bank, filled our horse-saddles and took off. My mate died long ago.
i am not surprised if you are 300-years-old.
I am still living from that money.
what? the money from then is worthless now.
What d'ya mean: from then?
i looked around and saw cowboys, dancing-girls, a saloon, horses instead of cars, only sand roads. Then a voice: Albert, get the fuck up, we're missing our train. I'd like to see the Niagara Falls, if ya don't mind.
Shit!
But I had a plan. I was going to be rich and famous!
Albert
